Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This episode of the Lori Takhtarsky Morning show is produced by CMJW Entertainment. This episode is brought to you in part by MHA of Dutchess county and Angels of the Andes.
Mental Health America of Dutchess county and Reviver Entertainment Group present the Sound of Nashville in the Hudson Valley's Queen City featuring headliner brand Ole Opry member and CMT Award nominee Craig Morgan.
With supporting acts two time Grand Grammy nominee Maggie Rose, Finalist of season 19 of the Voice in Hudson Valley, native Ian Flanagan, Viral sensation Jake Banfield and special guest Broadway to country star Brooke Morrow.
The Sound of Nashville one night only Tuesday, October 6th at the Bartaban Opera House in Poughkeepsie, New York. Visit bartabon.org for ticket information.
[00:01:06] Speaker B: We at Angels of the Andes are proud to partner and support the Lori Talk Tarski Morning Show. Our mission is to create brighter futures for children living in Peru's highest peaks of the Andes Mountains by supporting families and schools with essential resources and reminding them that there is always hope for tomorrow. Each year we also bring the gift of Christmas. Rooting children enjoy faith and the love of Jesus while reminding them that they are deeply cared for behind their mountains. For more information and to donate, please scan the QR code code on the screen and visit the link in the description. 100% of your gift goes directly to the mission, helping families where they need it most. Together we can continue reaching the highest peaks.
[00:01:57] Speaker A: Hey Producer Connor here. It's been amazing recording with Lori and working on all these new episodes for you. The Lori Tonight Tokhtarsky Audience. We're gonna rewind about a year to show you how Laurie and I first met when I interviewed her for the Walsh Wednesday Podcast. Even then we were scattering the seeds and laying down the foundation for what is now the Lori Taktarsky Morning Show. Both Lori and I have a special place in our hearts for this interview and we hope it warms your heart today.
Hey there and welcome to Walsh Wednesday. As always, I'm Connor Walsh and we got a great episode for you guys today. So I was recently introduced to this author here with us today.
She is Lori Eve Tatarsk, writer of the book as you can see here, I dare you to walk in my shoes. I was introduced to her through Michelle Franks with Southern Dutchess Community Coalition. And we also have another mutual friend in Andrew o' Grady who we've been talking a lot about wonderful people.
[00:02:48] Speaker B: It's good to be surrounded by like minded wonderful people.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Absolutely. So here to talk about the book her journey Mental Health as a Whole we have Laurie, Eve Tatarsky. Laurie, how are you?
[00:02:59] Speaker B: I am feeling fabulous and I feel so blessed to be here. So thank you.
[00:03:03] Speaker A: Absolutely. I'm so glad that you're in here. I've already started reading the book. Thank you for the. The copy. Of course. I'm about like 60 pages in right now, so I still, as you can
[00:03:10] Speaker B: tell, you still got a while because it's 400 pages. I know I still got energy going.
[00:03:14] Speaker A: I still got to keep going with it. But no, I'm very excited to read more about it. But let's definitely talk about the book and talk about your journey. When we sat down and had a meeting prior to this, really got to learn more about you. And you definitely have a very interesting and inspiring journey when it comes to self growth, mental health, all those things. So, first of all, I guess the biggest question, why even write the book?
[00:03:37] Speaker B: It was so important for me to let people know that things can be overcome in this world. And the life that each person lives, each person is going to have a challenge.
And sometimes it's great and sometimes it's smaller, but nevertheless it is a challenge. And sometimes we have to rise like the immortal phoenix from the ashes.
That's one of my greatest metaphors that I look to.
And I had just gone through so many different perspectives, aspects, experiences, very dismal times, very glorious times.
And through it all and through, for me, at least, it was by a lot of love in my life.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:33] Speaker B: And support and good people and the grace of God.
[00:04:38] Speaker A: Yes. And I know your faith is very important to you. Do you mind showing off the necklaces that you have, all the different pendants.
[00:04:43] Speaker B: Sure.
[00:04:43] Speaker A: When we first met, I love seeing.
[00:04:45] Speaker B: Is this like qvc? Somebody's going to offer me some money.
[00:04:48] Speaker A: I don't know if you'll get that, but just at least show off in what. What it means to you.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: Sure.
This first piece is very special to me. It's a horse.
And my dad, who unfortunately, but he's always with me, passed away on my 17th birthday. Very trag.
Gave it to my mom, who graciously is still with us. And I'm so, so honored. And I feel. I feel great about that.
She's been an equestrian, horseback rider since the time I was born.
And she still is at 83.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: So God bless. That's awesome.
[00:05:25] Speaker B: Queen Elizabeth.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: That's amazing.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: You know, she's riding with the best of them.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:29] Speaker B: And this is my Star of David, my Jewish star. And I grew up Jewish.
I consider myself what they call a messianic. Jew. And in my book, I make a joke, a mess of a Jew.
Now I have my cross, and I think of it as all the crosses I've bared and also the huge sacrifice that this beautiful man, Jesus, gave to take on the sins of many and all.
And I really use it to signify how much faith I've grown into, to get me through everything I've been through and to keep going, to keep running the race, to keep doing it with vision and victory and to keep enriching my spirituality.
[00:06:25] Speaker A: I love that. And, you know, the way that you're talking about your spirituality and your religious faith. I remember when we spoke spoken person last time, I told you the quote by Elvis how he also wore a lot of different pendants. And people asked him, was like, why don't you just pick one? And he said, I don't want to miss out on heaven on a technicality.
[00:06:41] Speaker B: That's so funny. I think that that's very original.
[00:06:44] Speaker A: Yeah. And also very similar to the mindset that you're bringing about that growth.
[00:06:47] Speaker B: I think everything's universal.
[00:06:49] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:49] Speaker B: You know, my whole focal point, the whole thing behind my book, I, you know, I kind of make a joke. I'm very, you know, I'm a very deep, introspective person. But I'm also. I use humor a lot.
[00:06:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: You know, because there's so much pain in our world and within and things we experience that sometimes we. To look at it from a humorous side, from different dichotomies, as you had said.
[00:07:09] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:07:09] Speaker B: And my whole book, I say, is like a bowl of chicken soup. I grew up with what we call Jewish penicillin. You know, my grandparents would make a great bowl of chicken soup.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:07:22] Speaker B: And we'd put matzo balls in it.
[00:07:23] Speaker A: Delicious.
[00:07:24] Speaker B: And we had a lot of Italians and Jewish people where I grew up in Long Island.
[00:07:27] Speaker A: Nice.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: And we used to say the only difference is between gravy and. And Jewish. And chicken soup is one has matzo balls, one has meatballs.
[00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah, there you go.
[00:07:36] Speaker B: You know, so basically, you know, my book has a lot of different angles to it. There's something for everyone.
And, you know, I say with the chicken soup, there's vegetables, there's, you know, there's broth, there's matzo balls. For those that are familiar with that, there's chicken.
And, you know, you could delve into it and really learn a lot from it and, you know, feel many different things.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: Absolutely. And now in the first 60 pages that I'm currently reading right now, it gives A lot of background, a lot of your story. But besides that, as well, as you said, you're very introspective. So you have some poetry later on in the book. You also have some comedy there in the book. You throw a little bit of everything at everybody. So I don't know, first of all, you know, since it is a mix of it all in a chicken soup, as you, as you said, why contain all the different parts? Why not make it a straightforward narrative or a straightforward poetry book or a straightforward comedy book? Why did you decide to bring all three together?
[00:08:38] Speaker B: Because I want to gather everybody. I'm a person that likes to bring people together for a greater cause. Excuse me, for a greater thought, for a greater idea.
I also want to be branded as just the norm. I'm somebody that I consider myself. Although we all have commonalities, I've been blessed to consider myself somebody who's very original and very unique.
And I think everybody, in their own way is original and unique, and they should, you know, be a little introspective with themselves and try to express that to people. Because it's a gift.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. So naturally, we want people to go and find and read the book, of course. But are there any parts of it that you want to talk about today? Whether it is any of the poetry, comedy, or your backstory?
[00:09:30] Speaker B: I would talk about, of course, you know, different variations of what's in the book.
You know, the book is very difficult because for those that haven't experienced addiction or, you know, substance use or any type of addiction, there's so many different types of addiction. Anything can be an addiction. It's just not having that stability, not having that moderation, using things to suffice us or self medicate us when we don't want to look at what is in reality at the moment and, you know, deal with that and try to overcome it.
You know, I've been into my battles with food addiction since a young age.
I've weighed as much as 300 pounds. I've weighed as little as 120 pounds.
[00:10:22] Speaker A: Oh, wow.
[00:10:23] Speaker B: I also had issues with bulimia growing up slightly, but not nevertheless.
So I've dealt with obesity. I've dealt with compulsive eating. I was in the 12 steps, for those that know about it.
[00:10:37] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: For close to 10 years.
It taught me a lot.
I'm at a place now where I have truly been granted understanding and more compassion for myself. And I'm not feeding, no pun intended, into my food addiction.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: And I'm also in remission for the bipolar.
But the book has some very harrowing, you know, detailed graphics of desperation as far as suicidal ideations, which somebody like me, I've always enjoyed so much of life. Yeah, but I had such a zest by when those depressions, I, you know, I say it's worse than being bedridden. It's like bed rotting.
You know, you just can't see the light of day.
And that's truthfully what happens. You're living in darkness, you know, you're existing. You're not even living.
I suffered very much unbearable depressions.
I've dealt with mania, as they call it, which there's, there's different reckless types of behaviors that very much sometimes cause destruction in our lives and altercations.
So there are a lot of different explanations of that in the book. So it may not be very easy for some people to go through, but it's definitely on many levels, compelling. For those people that have experienced mental health challenges, it's revealing. It's also gives them awareness.
It also doesn't make them feel so alone because when you have mental illness or sometimes even any challenge, you feel alone, like nobody understands you big time. And also you feel stigmatized.
And one of my biggest things in my life is to break some of that stigma. Yeah, to give people a voice, to let them be heard. That's why I named it by really I felt like I was a vessel, or cardio capillary, as I call it, a vessel from higher being. That's why I called that I dare you to walk in my shoes. Because, you know, don't judge me.
Everybody has a story. Everybody has the right to speak, freedom of speech and to be heard naturally.
[00:13:08] Speaker A: Absolutely and definitely with the stigma of all of it. We've come so, so far when it comes to mental health these days, but there really are stigmas that still linger and a lot of misconceptions on a lot of things too. I think your description of bed rotting is so spot on when it comes to depression because, you know, before I started taking medication to help with my depression, I, I always struggled with depression and anxiety to certain amounts. But it was really the loss of one of my best friends that really sent me spiraling. And I totally agree with that statement of bed rotting because it was just physically impossible for me to do just about anything.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: To do anything.
[00:13:49] Speaker A: It was so rough. I, I, I was like, like, where's my body? I have no control of my body.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: I was terrible. I take such pride, thank God, in the way I put myself together.
I was so disheveled. I was so. I couldn't take a shower.
[00:14:03] Speaker A: I could never believe that based on this, you put yourself very well together.
[00:14:07] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you.
It makes me feel good. And, you know, the journey of self love is one of the most, you know, difficult and one of the longest journeys. And I'm first at 53.
Don't give my age away. Shh.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: 53. I thought we graduated the same year of high school.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: What happened here anyway?
But I'm first still learning to love myself. And I think that's going to be all through my journey.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: Absolutely. That's something that we all have to experience throughout our lives. We're always going to go through those ups and downs of love. Just like any kind of relationship, whether it's outside of us or inside of us, we're always dealing with that. Now, talking about the depression, I also want to talk about the. The mania and bipolar, if you don't mind.
I think people have this idea of what it is, and I feel like I talked about this with Andrew, actually, on our episode when him and I spoke, how the term bipolar, unfortunately, has been kind of like desensitized on the media. If you, like, listen to stuff on TikTok, manic depression.
[00:15:08] Speaker B: And if you. And then if you really look at it, it sounds like a depressed maniac.
[00:15:15] Speaker A: Yeah. And. But that's not what it's all about.
[00:15:17] Speaker B: Some of the most brilliant creative people have bipolar and also mental health challenges.
[00:15:23] Speaker A: Absolutely. So when it comes to, you know, when the mania sets in or those moments of bipolar, it's not, you know, it's not what they say on TikTok of just somebody who just is hypocritical or goes back and forth. That's just. That's.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: That's.
[00:15:37] Speaker A: No, that's not bipolar by any means. Based on your experience. Do you mind talking a little bit more about that?
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Not at all.
Well, first of all, one of the symptoms is spending sprees.
In my twenties when I first. First of all, I believe trauma brings on mental illness.
[00:15:55] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Trauma, absolutely. Can. It's been shown many times.
[00:15:58] Speaker B: Trauma brings on a lot of things.
[00:16:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:01] Speaker B: You know, at the root of everything, we have trauma and nobody's unscathed.
[00:16:05] Speaker A: No.
[00:16:06] Speaker B: So basically with my mania, I have bipolar type one. There's two types of bipolar. Bipolar type one and bipolar type two. Generally speaking, not always, but generally speaking, bipolar type one has what they call psychosis.
[00:16:25] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: Now, I don't like that term psychosis because it sounds angry and aggressive.
You know, I Say, altered state.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:16:35] Speaker B: So more or less an altered state of reality. Reality. Okay. Where people may think a lot of times they have religious themes. A lot of times they have, like.
They may. Like, for me, when I was in my manias, I thought, you know, and this sounds totally bizarre, but this is where my mind went, that I was reincarnated as the Virgin Mary.
[00:16:56] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Okay.
[00:16:57] Speaker B: I certainly wasn't a virgin, but.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: Yeah. No, I understand, though, when you get into that kind of state, it's. It definitely affects the way that you think.
[00:17:06] Speaker B: Right. I also thought one time I was in a facility because I was in a mania, terrible mania. And many times in many of my episodes, I thought I was being possessed by the devil.
And that's so scary.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: And I believe it was about spiritual warfare, they call it now that I've been on this spiritual journey, which I believe I was on my whole life. But now it all makes sense as they get more and more clarity and
[00:17:34] Speaker A: with how much you know and how much you experience that wisdom.
[00:17:37] Speaker B: Right. I can reflect back and say, wow, now it all adds up. The pieces make sense, you know, Pieces of the jigsaw puzzle.
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Yeah, without a doubt.
[00:17:45] Speaker B: So, you know, I also thought, you know, I had one experience that now a very dear friend of mine, she was a therapist of mine for seven years, and then she moved out of state.
We laugh about it now, but it wasn't funny at the time. I was in a mental health facility. I thought, you know, I was being attacked by the devil. And I took pretzel rods and I made crosses, and I put them all over the room. I was.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Well, to be honest, when you think that you're fighting the devil, putting up crosses around, honestly, I probably try to find similar things to do the same thing.
[00:18:16] Speaker B: Not to mention they were pretty salty.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: Well, don't they say salt circles are good for warning off demons, too? So there you go. You have that on your side. Fantastic. But I can understand, though, that's a very scary time.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: And that happened to me many times. And now I realize why, because my calling is to help those that are suffering with trauma, addiction, and mental health challenges get back to some sense of healing and faith.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:18:46] Speaker B: So I had to go through all this and overcome and get my spirituality and my spiritual antenna up to do this particular. What I feel is my purpose.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: Absolutely. And the empathy that you can give with this as well. You know, obviously there's the difference between the sympathy and the empathy. Sympathy. You have feelings for people.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: Pastor was just talking about that.
[00:19:09] Speaker A: Really? Okay.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: He Said what? Now let me recall what he said.
Sympathy is. I. I don't recall 100%, but it was, it was very. It touched at that moment. It touched me right on.
[00:19:22] Speaker A: No, what I know sympathy and empathy to be like sympathy you can feel for somebody else, but you. There's still a distance, but when you empathize with somebody, you're really bridging that gap and trying to become one with the feelings and. And especially when you've gone through it and had the experience about it, it's way, way easier to empathize with people who are going through similar or the same things.
[00:19:43] Speaker B: Right. The relatability.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: Yeah. So with that, of course.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: And I also look at, you know, I'm very big into words, dissecting them. I'm into puns, I'm into play on words, I'm into riddles. And a lot of my book is kind of like that. It's kind of like a fun.
Andrew, who I adore, he's a mentor of mine, he says it's whimsical.
[00:20:00] Speaker A: It is whimsical. It's true. You know, despite the hardships that are depicted in it. Yes. You do have whimsy to the book, which does keep it light and it does keep it inviting, which is nice.
[00:20:11] Speaker B: And, you know, I look at the word. You know, you just said empathy. I'm very big on compassion.
[00:20:16] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:20:16] Speaker B: And that's one of my strongest suits and what I believe in so much, that people should have more compassion. And the word passion is in compassion. And then it says, come, passion, compassion. And also passion leads us to greener pastures.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: Passion, passion. Very good. Absolutely. No, I think that's incredible. So let's talk about your work in knowing Andrew. Andrew o', Grady, mha, of course. And also it was. It was Michelle that gave my contact to you, right? It was Michelle Franks. Yeah. So let's talk about the work that you're doing in the community.
[00:20:49] Speaker B: I was just blessed to do an interview with Michelle Barone, who's a very big media person in the area. Yep. And I put.
[00:20:56] Speaker A: She works with my friends over at Q2 now.
[00:20:58] Speaker B: She's a very special lady and hopefully I'll do more work with her.
And also I used this on the interview because we were doing an interview for mha.
[00:21:08] Speaker A: Terrific.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: And I take this everywhere I go. I found it in some, like, you know, little, tiny, like, consignment boutique. And it's a miracle. It, like, found me fantastic. And it says, and off she went to change the world.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: Change.
But it's Fantastic. Absolutely. Being able to go out there and make that kind of change. So, yeah, let's talk about the change that you're doing.
The book is a big part of that. But what are you doing when you are working with people like Michelle Barone or Michelle Franks or Andrew o'? Grady? What does that look like?
[00:21:38] Speaker B: It's beyond blessing. I really look to Andrew as an angel.
[00:21:41] Speaker A: Fantastic.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Was placed in my life at a very integral part in my life. You know, a new beginning, a new chapter, so to speak. Yeah.
He had done a video. He sponsored a video for me.
[00:21:55] Speaker A: Oh, yes, the one that you showed me last time. Right. Fantastic video.
[00:21:58] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:21:58] Speaker A: We'll link to it in this episode.
[00:22:00] Speaker B: Definitely.
But we're doing all kinds of things where we're certainly trying to raise awareness. We're going to be contacting. I have my very dear friend's neighbor, works with Governor Hochul and she's very big on mental health reform.
So we're going to be writing her letters.
[00:22:18] Speaker A: Terrific.
[00:22:19] Speaker B: And through Andrew being my sponsor, I've started, which isn't in full effect yet, but my own nonprofit.
[00:22:31] Speaker A: Oh, amazing.
[00:22:33] Speaker B: So it's called Universe of Self Awareness USA and it talks all about one's awareness of their growth, their, you know, their change, their evolvement, and also awareness of the world and other people around them. And, you know, hopefully one day I want this to be international, but USA is a good place to start.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: So we started out doing workshops at MHA for the clients and they really took to it.
And as far as how I derived it, I took it from my book and many years ago. The book's in three volumes. Yes, Heaven, Hell and Eternity.
[00:23:23] Speaker A: And I think that's a great way of spacing it all out.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: And I initially published Redeem the Dream 33 Heaven Many, Many Years ago because that's what I was after, Redeem the Dream. Because I had lived such a beautiful childhood with so much fun and love and morals and values and friends and family. It was just. It was a fairy tale come true. And then all of a sudden, you know, the castle crumbled and my dad got very sick with AIDS from open heart surgery.
And that started the whole downward spiral.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: And that's tough to have everything ripped out from under you. The analogy of the castle crumbling, for sure. You know, based on what you've told me and what I've read already, you know, it does sound like your dad was your rock, you know, somebody who was very, very beautiful.
[00:24:16] Speaker B: He was my prince and he was special to everyone and he worked so hard for his family so we could have good things, you know. But it wasn't all about materialism. It was so much more about the moments that we all shared and the laughter. And my family was all about the extremities, you know, And I think a lot to this point, I think maybe some of them had a little bipolar or depression. But it was so undiagnosed back then.
[00:24:45] Speaker A: Exactly. It just as we were saying earlier how we've made a lot of leaps in recent years.
[00:24:49] Speaker B: Right. Because it does run in families. That's one of the things. Things.
[00:24:51] Speaker A: But yeah. No, it's crazy because especially in recent years, a lot of adults are getting later diagnoses for things.
[00:24:56] Speaker B: Right.
[00:24:57] Speaker A: Because I know, you know, it was never a thought at the time to even think about it, to check or. And then it was often dismissed. It was like, ah, you know, you just. It's like straighten. Having a bad job, you're having a bad day, you're having a bad snap at it. Yeah.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: Those are the terms they use. Snap out of it.
[00:25:12] Speaker A: Exactly. And it's. And it's way harder than snapping out of brutal Connor. Because there is something truly up with the brain. As you said, trauma is a big.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: Also spiritual and physical. It has to be a collaboration that's going on.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: Absolutely. You know, you see brain scans now, people are really focusing on that and it shows you there is a physical difference that really gets to you. And with that, when the physical, the mental and the emotional are not in
[00:25:37] Speaker B: sync together, that's when they don't quarantide. Yeah.
Yeah.
[00:25:41] Speaker A: You're in disarray.
[00:25:42] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:25:42] Speaker A: Without a doubt. And something you said about doing the workshops with the people at MHA and how they really took to it. I'm not surprised that they took to it because. Because you're somebody who has walked in their shoes.
[00:25:52] Speaker B: Right.
[00:25:53] Speaker A: You've been there.
[00:25:53] Speaker B: And you know what?
[00:25:54] Speaker A: Somebody talking to them.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: It's so beautiful. Because a lot of people are scared to open up.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:00] Speaker B: You know, and be vulnerable.
[00:26:02] Speaker A: Why are you not then?
[00:26:03] Speaker B: Because this is just who I am. I've always been like this. And God gave me a great role to play. And damn it, I'm gonna play it.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: Amazing.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: High five, high five, high five. Peace out. Peace within.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: Oh, my God. Absolutely. I agree with that. You know, just being who you are and being able to do that, it is inspiring to other people. You know, in my case, I've always been a vocal person, but when it came to my mental health journey, it was eventually like instead of just Me being vocal and me talking about it, it was like, screw it. Like, it's been hard for too long. Like, it.
I haven't gotten anywhere by not talking about it, so might as well talk about it. And the more I.
[00:26:41] Speaker B: Well, so many people, you know, they give in and they give up. Yes. And I can't. You know, there were many times I wanted to throw in the towel, but, you know, my. And I did try to, you know, self harm, but that was more about the ideations, you know, the thoughts, their ruminations. It's almost like the evil does get into the darkness. And it's constant, it's obsessive. And you also feel like a failure and you feel like a burden, and you feel like you let your family down, you let this one down, and you're. You haven't made anything of your life.
Because a lot of times it's very difficult to work for periods of time. It's difficult to take care of your hygiene.
You know, it's difficult to do just the basic, easiest things that you think of. Yeah. You know, and it's been so depleting at times. And I even went for ect, which was a shocking experience.
That's shock treatment. Yeah. You know, making a joke out of it. But. But my dear friend, that's passed now. Said it was barbaric.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: And they used to do without anesthesia. Now, thank God they use anesthesia.
[00:27:51] Speaker A: No, that's.
I don't know.
That treatment blows my mind.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: I was just so desperate. I think when you're desperate, you want to try anything because you don't want to be in that state of mind.
You want to function.
[00:28:03] Speaker A: You want to find that escape.
[00:28:04] Speaker B: You want to have the senses back. You want to hear a bird chirp, you want to see the sunrise.
You know, you want to. You want to feel emotion. And that's another thing. With people that experience mental health, a lot of the times, medications or depressions or what they're going through makes you feel numb.
[00:28:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:28:21] Speaker B: A lot of times I. The. One of my greatest assets and gifts I've been given is my creativity. And many times it was.
It was at a place where I couldn't put my thoughts together. I couldn't get my ideas. I couldn't have that flowing like a river. I couldn't have fun with it, you know, And I did.
I did lose a lot of time, and I did lose a lot of moments. But in all the time I lost, I gained great growth.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: Yeah. Now with that, with the times where you feel like Your creativity was stifled. And I have to ask, was it more from. Based on your experience, is it more based on the moments of depression or from the treatments itself or a mix of both?
[00:29:07] Speaker B: I would say treatments of both. I'll never forget when I was really, really depressed. They would call it rescue treatments. They would zap you three times in a week.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Oh, geez.
[00:29:19] Speaker B: It's amazing. I can even, you know, and one of the side effects is short term memory loss.
[00:29:25] Speaker A: And that probably wasn't good during that time. And that probably, unfortunately added to the level of feeling, quote, unquote, crazy crazy in that point. Like when you have that, it's like, how can you keep up with yourself?
That's difficult. That's very difficult. No, and I know when I.
I know when I finally started.
[00:29:42] Speaker B: And you would think, you know, no one thinks that ECT or they don't even know what it is. You know, the hospital I went to one of the best hospitals, you know, in the country. Long Island Jewish or Zucker Hillside.
You would think they were giving away free cruises. The place was packed.
[00:30:01] Speaker A: Oh, my God, no. And it just goes to show you the need, you know, there is a need. And whether or not a place, any kind of facility, has the means to truly take care of everybody the way that they need to.
[00:30:13] Speaker B: No, they don't. And the hospitals don't have the room. They turn people away. And it's sad, you know, but right now, what's been so great, I've met some organizations that I want to get more affiliated with.
They're developing these homes or these places where they're almost like stabilization centers or a place almost not like a similar retreat where you can get back on your meds and you can get, you know, realigned, but you could still, if you have a job, you can still work, you could still do things.
[00:30:41] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: You know, it's not like being locked off.
[00:30:43] Speaker A: Yeah. There's a lot of great organizations. Been lucky enough to talk to a great number of those organizations. Of course. MHA and K. People's us. Yes, absolutely. There's so many good ones out there. And the idea is we definitely need to spread that awareness of it.
[00:30:56] Speaker B: Without a doubt. Apparently, you know, they're doing these centers as well in Europe. So I'm excited about that.
[00:31:02] Speaker A: That's great. Yeah.
[00:31:03] Speaker B: No, the more widespread global epidemic. So it needs to be addressed.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: Absolutely. And especially in a post Covid world, you know, in a very isolationist and very loneliness epidemic.
[00:31:12] Speaker B: Yeah. That's what my. Who I look to so much. My Pastor. Pastor Susie, she says, you know, not loneliness is an epidemic.
[00:31:20] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:31:21] Speaker B: And I've been gifted enough to. I say I'm all about living and giving. You know, I.
I don't only do stuff with my book and creativity and workshop, but I also work with people with autism.
And I've been working with this incredible boy for the last several years, and I've learned so much. He's been my blessing. I haven't been his blessing. He does so much. He goes to college. He plays guitar, amazing taekwondo.
He has so much knowledge. He's a wealth of knowledge. And people think immediately, once again, oh, people with autism, they don't. They can't do this, they can't do that. They're never gonna. You know, when I was in the hospital, my last hospital stint, I would call it my time check, you know, because, like, I had so many visits on and off throughout the years.
In my charts, which is in the book, I put some of my chart, medical charts in the book to give people an idea of what the doctors write and how different it can be from what happens as you get to your bas. Baseline or you recover.
[00:32:24] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:32:24] Speaker B: You know, they said, I would never live on my own. I would never. You know, there's been very few times in my life where I haven't lived on my own. There was occasional. I had to be in a residence because of the situation.
There's been times where my beautiful and gracious mom has taken me in because I was just going through, either whether it be financial or very, very ill with my. My challenge.
I've had to stay with her for sometimes a couple of years.
But overall, I've lived on my own for many times in my life.
[00:33:00] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. And I think.
[00:33:02] Speaker B: And I've also had careers and work.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:33:04] Speaker B: I may not have been able to keep it consistent because of the episodes, but I've had a thriving career at, you know, pivotal points in marketing, writing and advertising.
[00:33:14] Speaker A: Absolutely. It's absolutely possible. And you know, something that I feel that's really being broken these days. Days is the, you know, the conception that, oh, once you move out of the house, you're moved out of the house, you're done, and that's it. And there's no going back.
[00:33:26] Speaker B: Empty nesters.
[00:33:27] Speaker A: The empty nesters. And there's no chance. It's like, oh, no, once you move out, you know, it's either by yourself
[00:33:32] Speaker B: or bring a turkey for Thanksgiving. And that's it.
[00:33:35] Speaker A: Exactly. But, you know, for generations, for generations, families, communities, live together, work together.
[00:33:42] Speaker B: I know that on the farms and
[00:33:45] Speaker A: in the communities, and you don't see that as much. And there's a stigma against it. But now I think we're getting past that stigma and being like, yeah, people are going to have roommates for various reasons. People are going to be living with family for various reasons. Could be financial, could be mental, could be just about any. Just because you want to.
[00:34:02] Speaker B: Exactly. Nobody gives that any notion. Maybe you want to be with your family. In today's world, no one wants to be. A lot of people don't want to be around.
[00:34:10] Speaker A: Some people want that separation, but some people want it and some people want it. Or sometimes, like, what if you just want to live with your best friend, your platonic best friend? Why not? If you guys work well together.
[00:34:20] Speaker B: Exactly. Do it.
[00:34:21] Speaker A: So I think there's a whole lot of different reasons to look at.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Well, once again, there's so many options in life. There's so many ways to look at things.
[00:34:28] Speaker A: You shouldn't be narrowed.
[00:34:29] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:34:30] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I think you're a great example of that, of showing that there are so many different ways of going about things. And there's. There's a question that I love asking people, especially those who are just meeting and everything. And it's a very broad question, but it's a very simple question at that as well. We've talked about it to a various degree in a very niche subset, of course. But I just want to know in general, Lori, what are you passionate about? Doesn't have to be about work. Could be anything fun. Like, I'm passionate about Superman, as you can see over there. So tell me, what are you passionate about? About
[00:35:07] Speaker B: so many things.
My dad was an antique dealer, and I was. I talk about it in the book with so much happiness and smiles right now.
And he used to go to Europe, Paris, and bring back containers of antiques.
[00:35:22] Speaker A: So cool.
[00:35:23] Speaker B: And I just. I used to go to work with him at like 10, 11 years old and go to auctions and house calls. And so I love antique. I love art. I love theater, or as they say, theater.
I love interior decorating. I love learning. I love personal growth.
I love spirituality. I love people.
There's so many things we can be here for. We could be here for days.
[00:35:50] Speaker A: But you have such a verb for life, and that just shows. Absolutely. And I think that's great.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: Yeah. That's why we have to reach out. We have to band together and help people. Because so many people that have an incredible zest and want to live and do so much, they end up their Lives end up becoming tragedies, unfortunately.
[00:36:10] Speaker A: I think of Robin Williams all the time. You know, somebody who is always so big and spreading joy to so many people. And unfortunately, to go out the way that he did. So that's always tragic. You got to really look out for, like, even your friends who look and seem happy all the time. Check in with them. Check in with them. It's big.
[00:36:24] Speaker B: I'm very. Because I've gone through this journey. I'm very real and authentic, and I'll tell the people in my life. Life.
If I'm, like, feeling a little down, I'm feeling a little, you know, even my brother. My brother suffers with bipolar as well, but he hasn't had as difficult journey, but nevertheless, a difficult journey. Yeah, he's doing well right now. We both attribute it to our love for, you know, spirituality and God and so many other things.
[00:36:55] Speaker A: I'm sure the love for each other, too.
[00:36:57] Speaker B: We have. And we have a wonderful relationship.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: That's beautiful.
[00:37:00] Speaker B: He's my big brother in every sense of the word.
[00:37:02] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:37:03] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, as far as where I just got lost in that.
[00:37:09] Speaker A: No, it's all good. Just talking about, you know, the people.
[00:37:11] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So I'm very. Yeah, I'm very real. Like, even today, my brother, I had text him a couple of times where generally I'm very good with boundaries as I go through my journey. I used to be very abrasive and aggressive because that was a much, much, a much part of the, you know, dis. Ease.
[00:37:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:28] Speaker B: You know, disease.
[00:37:29] Speaker A: Dis. Ease.
[00:37:30] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:37:30] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:37:32] Speaker B: But I've learned a lot about space, appropriateness. I'm not always 100 on, but I'm still a work in progress.
But my brother Gil, or I call him Gilgill. It's even on Back of the Book.
He asked me today, lori, are you a little hypomanic? And that means not in a state of alternate or, you know, dangerous behavior, but you're just a little up there. Like, as if some people had caffeine and did an IV of caffeine from the beginning of the day to the end. Right.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:06] Speaker B: And I said, well, I'm quite aware, you know, my sleep's been a little less than I'd like to get, but I'm not spending, you know, outlandishly, nor do I have, unfortunately, I have to be on a budget at this point. I have, like, champagne taste on a beer budget, you know, all in due time. Everything's, you know, everything's, you know, what is a process.
[00:38:25] Speaker A: You can even Afford beer? Really?
[00:38:27] Speaker B: I don't even want beer.
[00:38:28] Speaker A: No, I'm just. I'm just saying. What was that? I've heard. I've heard a similar expression, like champagne budget on Juicy Juice. Budget. I've heard that. It was like. And I. Most of the time, I say to that, you can afford Juicy Juice.
You can afford that. Yeah, but I'm not that bad. I promise.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: Yeah. But anyway, so I said, no, Gil, I'm very aware. You know, I'm, you know, I'm just kind of in a joyful place. I'm doing a lot of things I'm enjoying in my life. I feel like I'm, you know, making a difference. I'm living my dreams.
And I said, but I really want to thank you for bringing that to my attention and for your concern and your awareness. You know, people have to look out for each other. Yeah. You know, regardless of what it is, our loved ones, our friends, strangers, you know, we need to have that, as I say, compassion.
[00:39:20] Speaker A: Absolutely. And to have somebody like your big brother to have that relationship where you can be aware of each other's certain behaviors or triggers or things, like, things that are of concern and ask the questions without any kind of, you know, distaste, without any kind of malice. Just simply asking the questions like, hey, are you okay? It's like, I'm noticing this. Are you okay?
[00:39:40] Speaker B: And it's so important. Also, I want to really make note of this.
I used to be very defensive and critical, like, you know, kind of like when people would say a comment to me, and I think it was because of my insecurities or, you know, I thought they were judging me or, you know, but now I really listen to those people that I know are out for my growth and my best. And I listen to it with an open mind and open heart. And I say, does this have truth? Does this have merit? Can I explore this? And if I need to be, I'll be accountable. And that is such an important thing in life to be accountability.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: Big, big, big, big.
[00:40:21] Speaker B: It builds integrity. It builds character, everything.
[00:40:24] Speaker A: And to be able to ask the right questions to yourself is like, is this coming from a reliable source? Does this have merit?
[00:40:29] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: And just to be able to go on with that, you know, you know, being judgment or being able to take constructive criticism, it was something very difficult for me as well. You know, I. I definitely call myself a type A perfectionist in a number of ways.
[00:40:42] Speaker B: Yes. Me too, as well.
[00:40:44] Speaker A: And it was very difficult, even when people were coming to me from a place of love. You know, I took everything very personally. It was hard to separate the.
The act of doing something from myself, you know, and realizes, like, that's not. That's not me. Just because I do it doesn't mean that's truly me. That's just an action in a given moment.
[00:41:03] Speaker B: Right.
[00:41:03] Speaker A: So to be able to give that separation, it's. It's big, and it takes a lot of time, a lot of growth.
[00:41:10] Speaker B: It takes a lot of maturity.
[00:41:12] Speaker A: Yeah, you could be.
Some people learn very young.
[00:41:15] Speaker B: Humbleness.
[00:41:16] Speaker A: Humble. Yeah. Being humble.
[00:41:18] Speaker B: And that's the best way to be.
[00:41:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Humility is humble.
[00:41:20] Speaker B: I mean, I'm very grandiose in my ideas and in my thoughts and in my dress and in so many things that I do. But at the root of it all, my journey has made me humble.
[00:41:31] Speaker A: Yeah, you've been very grateful for a lot of things. Even in this episode, talking about how grateful you are for family, people you've met, met, for your spirituality, for all that, you know, one of the best ways of getting to humility is through being grateful.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's so funny you should say that, because with some of the people in my life, we text each other, of course, we're not driving.
[00:41:53] Speaker A: Good, good. Very good.
[00:41:55] Speaker B: And we say three things a day or maybe a week we're grateful for.
[00:42:02] Speaker A: Oh, that's sweet.
[00:42:03] Speaker B: Yeah. And it just kind of enhances that whole thing of, you know, how the littlest things or the greatest things we could be grateful for big time.
[00:42:12] Speaker A: So, Lori, thank you so much for being here on this episode. Absolutely. As we're wrapping this up, we've really discussed a lot. This is a very deep episode, and I hope it helps a lot of people. Is there any last little nugget that you want to leave for the Walsh Wednesday listening audience?
[00:42:26] Speaker B: Oh, yes. Chicken nuggets.
[00:42:29] Speaker A: You could give them chicken nuggets if you want. Be tough to deliver them.
[00:42:32] Speaker B: But not that process, though.
Anyway, what I really want to say is there's a song. I'm very into music, you know, it's so healing. It's so beautiful. All different genres have their own little, you know, savviness to it, but there's a song along the way that really touches my journey and my life. It's called the Impossible Dream.
[00:42:54] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:42:55] Speaker B: By the man of LA mantra.
[00:42:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:42:57] Speaker B: Don Quixote. And there's a line in it to march into hell for a heavenly cause, for this is my quest to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far.
[00:43:10] Speaker A: Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. In one of my Favorite songs covered many, many times by many great singers.
Phenomenal lyric. And I think that's something absolutely to live by. And as you're going through any kind of hell, as you would say, is like to be able to do it for a heavenly cloth. Laurie, again, thank you so much. Let me shake your hand again. Fantastic.
[00:43:27] Speaker B: Thank you so much.
[00:43:28] Speaker A: Of course. And make sure.
[00:43:29] Speaker B: And you're a young rising star. I'm trying.
[00:43:32] Speaker A: I'm trying. Absolutely. And make sure to pick up the book.
[00:43:35] Speaker B: Oh, and I do want to mention really quickly initially, I self published the book three years ago on my father's heavenly birthday. So, yeah, so this is. Which is June 13th. So this is the initial cover.
Most recently on his birthday this year I published with a company called Frontline Publishing.
[00:43:52] Speaker A: Oh, terrific.
[00:43:54] Speaker B: And we changed the COVID a little bit and we reformatted it and added some minor changes, unfortunately. New edition. Yeah, yeah, new edition. Unfortunately we had a little technicality with Amazon and there may be two books listed. My new book, which has the COVID has more color to it and some more verbiage, and this cover with my, as they say, nous de plume or alias Sarai London text.
So for those people that want to buy the book, just make sure you're buying the updated version.
[00:44:34] Speaker A: Gotcha. And of course, we'll try to make sure that we have all the correct links in the description of this episode so people can get it. So make sure that you check that out. Of course.
